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| Thursday, January 26th, 2012 | | 5:36 pm |
| | Monday, January 2nd, 2012 | | 10:49 am |
| | Tuesday, September 13th, 2011 | | 8:42 pm |
go me!
I joined this! http://www.snapstudy.org and now, I'm living the dream as a research subject. Just like Beaker! So, today I did good things. I only had 1C. of chili, instead of 1.5C, and I took Brylee Magoo for a 1.3 mile walk/run around the neighborhood. Yay! that's a "small changes" sort of day, but it officially started today. I think I'm gonna use "large changes" to a 10 lb weight loss, then I'll stick with small changes & see how it works. :0) Current Mood:  pleased | | Sunday, July 10th, 2011 | | 9:20 pm |
Next wine date plan:
Txakolina and Smitten kitchen's flatbreads with honey, thyme & sea salt. I think we'll get an unpeppered salami, a little horned melon & maybe even figs or persimmon to have with it. :) | | Monday, June 27th, 2011 | | 11:05 am |
Aww, sad. Rusty, who was a very good dog that lived with Jesse's family, died this weekend. I miss him. | | Wednesday, June 15th, 2011 | | 10:05 pm |
hockey
I'm so excited I may pee. Don't worry, I'll use the toilet. | | Monday, November 8th, 2010 | | 1:39 pm |
One song, Glory..
I found this poem that I wrote about eleven years ago. Hadn't intended on writing it, but lightning struck and the poem wrote itself. I tried to continue writing for about a month before I decided that since this one wrote itself that any others would do so as well- what I tried to write sucked. Yes, the subject refers to rent. I am of the opinion that the song he wrote about wanting to write a song was far better than the song he wrote at the end. Mostly, I'm struck by how innocent I was writing it. And stupidly concerned that the poem caused the habitual unhappiness in the man it was written about. (stupidly) Lost Ok, so I lost the poem a while ago, And all I can see is my friend's eyes, Full of pain and guilt, tearing himself apart. "This is what is Right, and this is what Feels Right, but it isn't" Shouldn't they be the same? All I can see is my friends eyes full of pain In the orange lights, so I hug It fixes nothing, but is reassuring. Usually. We cling. We kiss. And I see my friend's eyes Filled with pain and torn, And I understand And recognize the dark place I've been crawling from these past years And I see my friends eyes It's always easier together, But from that place there is a whole bunch of pain That shouldn't exist And had I been in that place I would not have cared about what was right, Only what felt right. My friend taught me that. And my friend's eyes filled with pain. And what is right feels confused. I wish I could fix it, But people tried to fix me when I was there, So I don't know how And I wish that my friend's pain filled eyes Did not look so alone, because I am here. | | Monday, September 6th, 2010 | | 7:32 pm |
| | Thursday, August 26th, 2010 | | 10:10 pm |
grr. arg. triggery drama 'bout my mama. Advice please.
I am so freaking angry right now. for one awesome reason, and one decently good if entirely filled with suck reason. awesome anger: I can't fix the world. I cant fix disasters or fight vice. I can only be my awesome self, and I need a direction if i want more than that. We just watched ""Yes Men" save the world" entirely justifiable anger at suck: On Monday, I told my mom that I was raped as a teenager, under the assumption that she'd just been too angry that i was late to see my injuries. Or, y'know, notice them for the weeks it took for them to heal.They were big injuries: the thumb prints on my throat, fingerprints on my neck. 12 bite marks on my face & neck, blood on my cheek & a sprained wrist. She slapped me & called me a slut when I got home. I went to school with her hand print instead of the blood. In the conversation I told her what I felt like, growing up in her house. My personality and interests weren't acknowledged, I felt like I was being shoved into a china-doll mold and I felt that I was a constantly resented for being a burden. I told her what had happened. I offered her a chance at beginning a relationship. She chose to lie to me, to tell me I'd woken her up & we had talked it over & we had both decided to not report it. None of that was true. As a matter of fact, I'd tried to tell the school nurse, but I shut down when the nurse said it looked like I had a fun weekend. I told her "I didn't want it." It could have been taken two ways, I forgive the nurse. After mom's lie, I told her I wouldn't take that from anyone, her the least of all. that i was sorry she couldn't face the truth. and to not call me back. she did. three times. Screeching and yelling, I didn't bother listening. They began 'if you think...' and 'and another thing.' I wonder if I missed anything, but I don't really care. Nobody has the right to call me up screaming & be listened to. They can call, they can yell, but it ain't gonna do a damned thing. That conversation was had on Monday. Today, Thursday I get a text saying "is there anything more you wanted to say? It sounded like you weren't done..." I replied with "I offered you a chance at a relationship, and you lied to me. Do not contact me again. I'm sorry you cannot face the truth." I'm angry that she lied to me, that she tried to manipulate me (both into thinking that she had no clue what happened, and in the next breath trying to convince me that she'd listened to me in the moment.)I'm pissed that she thought pandering to my shame would have been the right thing to do. Is anyone ashamed of being robbed? I loathe her for making the darkest assumptions about my character. I'm furious that she most likely believes what she said. I'm livid that the text exchange looks like I'm being an unnatural, hateful bitch. I am angry that I don't dare bring any of this to my extended family, whom I love. I fear that I'll be isolated by her lies. After all, Steve was "helping his sick mother, who has cancer" instead of in jail for having weed. I kinda hate myself for the passive-aggressive LJ post. maybe I'll grow a pair and copy/paste it to FB and ask my awesome aunties & kick-ass cousins for advice. But you know what, internet readers? I'm mostly done. I'm almost healed. She hurt me worse than he did, but that's not even that important. Because the big deal here is that I have no obligation to allow anyone to do me harm, and have actively ceased to do so. It's a really big deal. I have a huge obligation to protect myself and those that I love from harm. The real question is, how will I be judged for protecting myself? Also, thank you for listening. I lost the anger in the writing, now I just feel strong. Current Mood:  Powerful | | Friday, June 11th, 2010 | | 6:45 pm |
Ohana means family, but the ocean has no memory...
So... My mom is still a bully and a jerk, and I'm taking it really hard. I'd convinced myself that all the drama and chaos between us was just her un-medicated p.m.d.d. & personality conflict & that everything was better when she suddenly got nice after I moved out & she started anti-psychotics. I was wrong. I find out from Trish that she's up to her old tricks, except with the little sis instead of me. She waits until Aimee is flipping out and pushes her further and further into histrionics. Granted, aim's a bit of a drama queen, but as a parent shouldn't mom be teaching her how to cope, not making things worse? And if its at all the same with aim as it was with me, she doesn't even need to pick a fight anymore, to get things started, because the atmospheres charged with guilt and shame, painted in rage and absolutely not a good place to be. Neither Aimee nor myself asked to be born. I actually like living now, but good god, this type of simmering resentment is uncalled for. This is the situation you give your child away to avoid creating. I think mom gets off on it. For me, at least, the rules were constantly in flux. What was allowed normally, would be the most grievous sin if she was spoiling for a fight. I don't remember the first time she hit me, but I remember the last: She had me backed into a corner and I put my arms against the counter and mule kicked. I also peed blood. a little, the first time i went afterward. I hadn't intended to kick, my body just took it as a life or death threat. Who knows, maybe it was. On top of the harmful interactions between mother and daughter, I'm also told that Aimee vomits a lot. Whether due to stress or an eating disorder, if she really is puking as often as implied, this could kill her. Literally. Her phone box is full of messages, & I cannot reach her. I also can't call her to ask if Trisha's just scared by the intensity of it & worrying. This is just normal to me. Mom ignored Trisha's concerns. Dad's ineffectual- he puts himself out for her, and that is great, but she doesn't have the necessary life skills because she hates and he spoils (as if to make up for it). Unlike me, she grew up in a daycare, and didn't have a level idea of this is how good people behave, reinforced by love. She knows loud gets attention, and quiet gets her forgotten. (I grew up being babysat by my godmother's mom: without Claire & Paul Montminy, I'd be some drug addled stripper today... a broke-ass one too, because I'm clumsy.I owe them the quality of my life.) Sometimes I wonder how Trisha escaped all this so unscathed. Part of it is that she's got an unshakable bone deep concept of right and wrong. Part of it is that she was fat growing up, so she learned quickly how to be awesome, so people would look past the outsides. Most of it, I think, is that she was planned and wanted and loved as well as ignored when mom couldn't be bothered. Maybe it's just that she isn't as fun hysterical. Mostly, I think its her internal compass. Mom made it pretty clear that I was an unwanted burden, and I learned early I had to overwhelm her with how much work it would be to not let me do *whatever.* I'd be lying if I said I didn't manipulate that to my advantage... but what kid doesn't? We weren't not fed. For the most part, we weren't beaten to bruises. Let me be clear: My mother is an abuser. I'm worried for my sister. She's not all sweetness and light, and she's been acting out for a very very long time now. All of this is normal for me, but I'm pretty sure it's intervention time. I'd know better if Aimee would call me. Current Mood:  worried | | Monday, May 10th, 2010 | | 8:02 pm |
| | Saturday, January 23rd, 2010 | | 1:47 pm |
I love the winter farmer's market. :c) | | Thursday, October 8th, 2009 | | 9:01 pm |
I can tell you what this is all aboot!
Canadian vacation, baby. Mmmhmm, I'm going to a "foreign" land. I'll be out of touch early Saturday until Wednesday. Noone gets to worry. :) Current Mood: chipper | | Sunday, September 20th, 2009 | | 9:59 pm |
Yeaaaah, go me!
 And I'm doing a little extra work this week, hopefully for a while. Current Mood: cheerful | | Monday, August 17th, 2009 | | 6:08 pm |
| | Sunday, April 12th, 2009 | | 1:30 am |
I don't learn fast, but I learn well...
Here is proof that college don't make ya smart: It took me 28 years to discover how FUN dancing is. :) I danced for hours, my lungs hurt, my core muscles burn, my feet are blistered and I can't wait to do it again! The band is called "Fast times." It's an 80's cover band, they kick ass, and I only regret the "root beer blast," because it tastes like Robitussin. EWW. Current Mood: ecstatic | | Friday, December 5th, 2008 | | 12:39 pm |
For the Record
I am not mistreated. The opposite may have been falsely brought to your attention. Please disregard it. | | Saturday, November 8th, 2008 | | 3:24 pm |
Your result for The Commonly Confused Words Test... AdvancedYou scored 100% Beginner, 100% Intermediate, 93% Advanced, and 73% Expert! You have an extremely good understanding of beginner, intermediate, and advanced level commonly confused English words, getting at least 75% of each of these three levels' questions correct. This is an exceptional score. Remember, these are commonly confused English words, which means most people don't use them properly. You got an extremely respectable score.
Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it!
For the complete Answer Key, visit my blog: http://shortredhead78.blogspot.com/.
Take The Commonly Confused Words Test at HelloQuizzy | | Monday, March 31st, 2008 | | 11:22 pm |
So I get to figure out this newfangled MEME thing....
1. Comment with any subject that you would like me to write, rant, snark on, with possible swearing involved. Any subject. If you need to be told that we may not agree, I'll end up hurting your feelings. 2. Watch my journal for your "rant". 3. Post this in your own journal, so that you may "rant" for others. Current Mood: thirsty | | Monday, December 24th, 2007 | | 9:52 am |
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